The first time we met,

I was in a dark place

within me.

On the outside, I shone bright

kind of like a star and how it shines in the night time

you know, that cliché saying

where the star had actually exploded a long time ago

and is probably now in a million pieces

but how all that people see

is an accessory in the sky

yeah, so

I felt that.

Like my insides were in a million pieces

and no one gave a damn

cause I was an accessory.

So I put my best face on,

smile, so no one feels uncomfortable.

And then we met for the first time

and you felt like home

and I found my shattered heart

starting to embrace hope again.

So I held onto you

all the pieces of my heart following you

like fallen petals being carried by the wind

into the sky

the sky that you are

and it was fun.

Then he tried to put it together

swept all the pieces into a bag

tied it up real nice

with a ribbon, even.

And though there were sharp corners poking out of the bag

piercing my insides

I was relieved.

I was relieved that I finally felt cleaned up

like I could be lovable, understandable, presentable,

but I knew the truth.

The truth of how in the process of being tidied

I lost myself.

I lost my heart and how

what took its place was a trash bag

with a nice ribbon.

Then one day he ripped that ribbon off

took some pieces out of the bag

held it in his hand

poked me with it until I bled.

I desperately reached out for it

cried out to please

please put it back in

please tie the ribbon back on.

But the present slipped through my fingers

and I looked up into the future

looked behind me in the past

and knew.

So then we met for the first time again.

Felt like the first time because I knew

I was a different me.

I was trying to put the pieces together

futile, like trying to put together a puzzle

in the dark.

I was raw

vulnerable

dying.

My heart was racing so fast

my lungs couldn’t keep up.

I thought to myself, maybe I will never know what it’s like

to live and breathe normal again.

I was overwhelmed.

Is this a corner piece? Where do I put this one? Have the pieces changed over time?

Is this all even worth it?

All these words had circulated my mind

none were spoken.

Yet, you knew

of course you do

because you are the sky

and I am a star

and you embrace me

and you tell me that you love me

you have always loved me

and you tell me that I am not a mess

rather,

I am beautiful

I will find myself again

I will not only piece things together

but I will shine brighter than ever before.

Why?

Because I am not a star

I am the light.