I can’t stop and smell the goddamn flowers cause I’m severely allergic to them

I’ve always been thinking of the next thing

The next change that is coming

The next end that is upon me.

And now that I am trying to sit with myself in the present

I feel rather uncomfortable.

I see it in the way that maybe I’m walking in a park

And I stop to look at how the clouds look like Mookie

Or how the dew on the grass blades look like jewels

But I don’t marvel for long because I have become so trained to think

About what comes next

What I have to accomplish on my to do list or

What I need to do next to be better

Heal better

Grow from who I was before.

I think that’s what happens when you are someone

Who feels like they have finally escaped pain-

You suppose it’ll lead you to a place of settling and finally taking a breath

But actually you are still trying to run away from it as far as possible

To create enough distance so that you will never feel it again.

But that’s not how the world works now, is it?

So maybe I can’t stop and smell the goddamn flowers cause I’m severely allergic to them

And I already live with an intense sense of mortality.

But instead I’m gonna allow myself to believe in forever sometimes

To believe that there is enough time

And that even though pain is inevitable, it’s not happening right now

And right now, I am okay. I am safe. I have time.