Honoring the me that I have shed

I cup my hands around the me that I have shed

thank you, I whisper

because you were there when I needed you

and though you may not serve me now

you were there when I needed you

you were still good

you are still a part of who I am

and for that, I honor you

for that, I love you.

I used to run as fast as possible from versions of me that I was ashamed of

people I was hurt by

situations I felt that if I did not run away as fast as possible

I would lose the exit opportunity

and I got so used to that.

I used to want to obliterate those versions of me and

pretend they never existed

it was just a time I had lost myself

let’s pretend that never happened.

But I don’t want to live a life of destroying,

of running away

of pretending like I can delete things

from myself

for the sake of moving on to better things.

No,

I want to keep those awful but beautiful parts of my life too.

Not because I am glad they happened

God knows I would rather they have not

but because they are still a part of my story

and I’m not trying to leave the world with carefully edited blank pages.