mirak0419

Oh well. I express whatever I want. Confessions, poems, stories, all true, fictional, or fiction laced with truth, whatever it is I get to share it for my benefit and for whoever wants to read it I guess.

I remember when I was in 2nd grade, the PE teacher pushed me into the deep end, jumped in with me, and held me under water. I was terrified, of course, and I still remember how I found the hair on his abdomen absolutely revolting. Island-girl me was able to hold my breath, thankfully, but…

It wasn’t the first time I had made a mistake, it was the first time I felt like I had failed. My 4th grade teacher gave me a C in science and my mom was shocked, her jaw dropping to the floor and looking back a C wasn’t even that bad. But then my teacher…

I don’t mean the useless kind. But the one that drives self-expression, communication, narrative. I’m finding it again, it’s swirling within me and I feel alive. Fuck you for trying to take it from me, then spitting it back out to hurt me. Pen’s in my hand now, bitch.

My heart starts pounding when I realize the truth. My heart has never lied to me, my mind has. Funny because for as long as I can remember, my dad has shared his self-made maxims with my brother and I. It’s always delivered with a deeper, resounding voice, eyebrows furrowed and chest facing the sun,…

Thankful for when you bring your raw and authentic self to our friendship. Thankful for your how you give unconditional love, and how you never hold back. Thankful for the plant in my corner that I moved into a big pot so that it can grow bigger. Thankful for bagel bites. Thankful for the 5…

My bs detector, my lie-o-meter and my gaslight siren. It’s become an all-in-one type of pepper spray, I keep it in my handbag cause that shit comes up quick and I gotta practice using it properly cause otherwise, I be spraying myself.

Straight up just stared at my dad Sobriety at its purest, at its finest I probably looked at him like I’ve seen shit you don’t even know Or perhaps I looked at him like I heard you on laughing gas, you weren’t even the one who was in labor Or even a bit more philosophical…

I hand you the knife Blade in my palm I’m giving you the handle I’ve got a lot of cuts anyway. I’ve been stabbed, cut open, left bleeding before Come on, don’t be afraid, I dare you to do it Feels safer giving you the knife than you bringing one out from behind your back.…

I remember the exact moment It was Rod Stewart singing When I need you And the sun was setting ahead of us Even while we were chasing after it And I looked through the window At the trees So alive And I saw the two parakeets Vibrantly blue Flying together, with each other And that’s…

I had watched as the sun disappeared behind the mountains As did our love

I thank the ground for letting me trust That it will hold me every day

I lay myself bare before you And you say “you’re safe with me”

(Bessel van der Kolk) I really believe this. Thank you for not writing my narrative in your words, but helping me find them for myself.

“Our capacity to destroy one another is matched by our capacity to heal one another. Restoring relationships and community is central to restoring well-being” (Bessel van der Kolk)

why deep belly breathe when you can deep belly laugh

Did yall ever do that science experiment in elementary school where you take a crystal triangular prism and hit it with the light and suddenly wooooo you got all the colors of the rainbow and then you use two prisms and BAM suddenly you got colors overlapping and mixing with each other? That’s like my…

I’ve worked so closely with this girl, fighting all these battles alongside her. And now that I see her go, I’ve got mixed feelings. A part of me is uneasy, knowing that she’s got a lot of odds stacked against her. The adults lied. I’m an adult. I didn’t lie to her but for some…

I’m more comfortable being wrong than being right, or more so, I’m more comfortable with you being right than you being wrong.

I want to grow my heart so that I can increase compassion while also seeking justice. First step would probably be to unlearn my habit of making excuses for others, and start saying “I forgive you” instead of “it’s okay”

raise your hand if you are hitting second puberty or is it just me cause angst level 100000 right now

the more she listened the more she realized she had to learn. and the more she talked the more she realized she had something to say

we really need to be listening more to and amplifying the voices of children

in my walk with danielle we uncovered facts. we do not drop babies from 6ft in the air we do not go scavenging for food 1000x our size and bring it to the queen we do not use our nose to get water and spray it on ourselves and others we do not leave our…

our souls walk hand in hand even though we cannot

me: I miss you a lot we should keep in touch them: yeah, how are you doing? me: me: me: me: me:

me: (messages about a logistical issue) them: (replies about logistical issue) them: so how are you by the way me: me: me: me: me: me: (6 months later) so sorry didn’t see this message!

Trying to write more, it’s all about the habit. The creative juices are there, just gotta get the gears turning. Apparently the wild bunnies around here are in danger of a lethal form of ebola. So every time I see a bunny I bless them and say “stay alive, homie” and it runs away from…

If you’re reading this now then yes this is about you, you know who you are

My creative self. That is something that can be passed along and authentically held. The expression of self. Learning how to manifest your inner soul, your unique spirit, into whatever medium of your choosing. Whatever it is, do it, do it with no judgment, do it unapologetically and with no inhibitions because that is you…

I’ve been feeling the reality of mortality lately. And at first it was a conductor of anxiety, but it has caused me to lean more into faith. I know that it is most in part because of the pandemic: a collective experience that has caused everyone to readjust inside and outside of their skin. It…

You are loved Your worth is not determined by what you are are and what you are not able to do You are healing Time is different right now. It is okay if things are not proceeding at the usual rate. Be with yourself, where you are right now. Be with yourself, hold compassion for…

In the end, you must come home to yourself So make sure that it is a safe Loving Joyful Graceful place

“I forced everything your mother loves into one song” my dad sheepishly smiled as he handed me the mixtape. The mixtape was a gift that my dad gave to my mom when they were dating in college. With the few tools he had, and the large amount of love in his heart, he created a…

JUST MERCY What an incredible, incredible book. For the way it reveals brokenness and healing at the same time through the life of one and of many… What a gentle yet urgent wake up call to pay attention to the injustices of this world, the reality of the brokenness, and the call to have love…

“I can’t see it all But I have seen enough to know Oh, you are faithful”

AF: “How do you use the word ‘affection’ in a verb tense?” BR: “I’ll affection you, fucker”  

“The identified patient… is the person in a dysfunctional system who becomes the problem person by acting out the pain of the dysfunctional system. [It] draws away attention from the true inner conflicts of the people in the system.” – Jonathan Van Ness, Over the Top

“I don’t trust people who don’t cuss” – j.a.

he was yelling and cussing and slamming doors I could tell that he was blinded by anger. then you come out of the room and you start whistling and they start singing and I start snapping and suddenly we are all in harmony “in every life we have some trouble but when you worry you…

“An elephant does not think its trunk is heavy. If that is one’s destiny and responsibility, there is no weight, but rather, importance.” – E.J. Koh, The Magical Language of Others

“you put words together, you make a story… what about one word?…one word has references from history, culture, language- your own experiences and the rest of the world. A single word IS a story… when we read a poem, we’re not reading one story. We’re reading every story at once.” – E.J. Koh, The Magical…

all those memories and imprints you made on my mind and my body   I peel off and put into a music box   Because that’s the thing about music boxes– what comes back are usually gentle memories and that’s what I’d like you to be.

I may not look like you nor be of the same race ethnicity culture or have experienced the same adversities.   but I recognize humanity in you I recognize your spirit and your soul and it’s beautiful and it is worthy of love.   and I am your ally so that one day you may…

when you know that someone has mental health issues, don’t you want to protect them too?  why did you have to get the police involved…? I will never forget the way k.b delivered these words. His usual confident, sassy voice turned down to a whisper, his facial expression and posture were vulnerable and raw. It…

— I was having a difficult week– the emotional impact of her situation was certainly more than I thought it would be. I was suddenly mad at the city of Oakland for not protecting the life of this 14 year old girl, and at how it seemed as though the world was still spinning, still…

you just never know about life, and shit happens but we are still living. in those quiet moments where we are suddenly more aware of our own heart beats, more aware of our enslavement to mortality and how no one escapes such a thing, more aware of how tribulations are inevitable in this world… that’s…

sometimes you will never be fully ready for moments, and there could be in fact a storm brewing inside of you. and I imagine a partner being someone you reach out to and know, this is the one who will ground me no matter what. we will never be in perfect situations together– we build…